So..

To add to things I have to change

1)Smoking - Quit

Being caught out by a family member like a naughty teenager (when you are 25) is not a good feeling.

And to add to this to be told that your deceased Grandparent will be turning in her grave, is also not a nice feeling.

2) Let things go

Why is it that we muddle through our heads what has just happened over and over again till we feel physically sick. I would have wanted to opt for the OFF button if I'd had the choice when it comes to excessive and debilitating thought processes.

3) Stop wearing my glasses as much

I've found that I forget to take my glasses off. Which inadvertantly leads to me being within an inch of the computer screen screwing my eyes up like some doddery OAP.

4) Do more exercise

Hopefully quitting smoking is going to aid in my return to the world of healthy and fit individuals. I used to swim for Manchester. I could do lengths upon lengths, namely 200 as a warm up. However I can now not stand being in a chlorinated bag of other peoples bodily juices (and in many cases waste products) Dodging USED fabric and Fireman Sam plasters in the pool.

Which leads me now onto my new found interest in extreme sports.

To do list....

Learn to Surf/kite board
Get into Rock climbing
Horseriding lessons
Avoid the swimming pool at all costs
Keep up with kickboxing

This list will be completed!!!!

Momentary self loathing

A friend of mine has inspired me to post on the blog! I'm sure nobody even reads this blog, if they were to, I think I may feel slightly more important.

The trouble with me I have found over the last few weeks, is that I have an all encompassing want for recognition. I've come to notice that we all seek to be noticed.

I've struggled with concepts that we are all equal, I struggle with the ever-looming line that "life is what you make it." I trample on people who try to tackle my wisdom, I'm self righteous, and believe in my own self importance. I've also become a tax consultant as of late, and have to deal with people who are like me. Which I am noticing is not a nice way to be in fact....

I recently encouraged a friend of mine to go for a job interview with my company. Within an hour she has been offered the job and was all set to go. However, we did not plan for a previous employer of hers to come up with an offer that far superseded anything a small consultancy could conjure up and she had to let the job with us go. I was sitting in a beer garden with her shortly after her turning down the role, and we were discussing her now life plans. Overwhelmed by her stroke of luck she spoke about her plans and where her life was going. As a result I soon began noticing how little my life is providing me with currently. and I began to cry. Bless her, Franky being completely confused as to why I'm upset sat me down for a little bit of girl-to girl mothering.

Out spilled the above, and I explained that even though I am a director of a company, I am not happy. I don't know where my life is going and I'm very much not ready to grow up yet. See my friend, Franky has it all, a loving driven boyfriend, and future career in London, and a home of their own. I however have a directorship, a loving but not so driven boyfriend, and I live at home with my parents. To add to this my passion for singing has taken a back seat - which I'm not happy about, but it just seems so difficult to balance this crappy sensible existence with one that will bring me music and laughter.

The only difference I can see between me and Franky is the boyfriend, the job and the house. So I had to assess my life. Discussed the lack of motivation with the boyfriend, and seriously considered moving out of the consultancy (once my bonus has come through of course) and consider doing something that is going to make me incredibly happy and work on the house matter later.

looking at your life is simple...but the acting to make a change within it is the difficult part. Let the fun begin...